Although the previous scenario may seem a little odd, those examples we came up with are in fact the main reasons why people become frustrated and conflict originates.
The main difference to remember here though, of course, is that we rarely purposely try to annoy someone. But in some ways, the end result, or the level of frustration and anger the other person experiences, is no different. Usually, and especially in a place of work, it wasn’t even our fault. But we have to deal with the conflict. This inevitably brings up feelings of frustration and anxiety, leading to an escalation rather than de-escalation of conflict.
At the start of every conflict, try to always ask yourself questions
like, ‘How did this conflict start?’. Or ‘Why is this person upset?’. Doing so allows you to understand why the other person is
upset and focus on them, which they’ll appreciate on a personal level and allows you to thin more accurately in terms of how to provide a tailored a solution to the conflict.
Compare this with a much more common but less effective, defensive reaction, which leads to people to saying the dreaded ‘calm down’. Think about this – have you ever told anyone to ‘calm down’ only to make the other person even more irate?